I hate banks.

When your debit card won't work abroad, you assume they've blocked you from using it in an unusual country. So when I rang Lloyds last week and finally got through to a real, live human being, I thought they'd be able to help me. Incorrect. Infact, not only did they inform me that there was nothing abnormal with my account, they patronisingly requested me not to call the credit card helpline for debit card enquiries. They then kindly put me through to the right department (incidentally, the phone number I rang was on a webpage entitled 'USING YOUR LLOYDS DEBIT CARD ABROAD...'), who also told me there was nothing wrong. Nobody seemed particularly bothered that despite having a note on my file to state I was in Malaysia for a year, I still couldn't access any funds, or that the card wouldn't bloody well work. In the end, they suggested that I move my entire banking over to Barclays.

So why, if my account is perfectly useable, have I just had an email from Mum to say that the fraud department have been on to her?

I've just been on the phone to the UK for another half an hour, to find that they blocked my card two weeks ago because 'I hadn't informed them I would be in Malaysia', with the added comment of 'perhaps you should have rung sooner.'

Unimpressed. I may start trading in bananas or something much less complicated.